IN MEMORIAM

Kobe, The Poster Dog of Cuteness, 1994 – 2010

We will always remember you.

Love,
Mom

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April 7, 2010 at 3:23 am Leave a comment

Houdini dog tricks

Whoever said that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, never owned an old dog.  We might be stubborn but we’re not stupid, quite the opposite.  Silly dog tricks for human amusement just don’t interest us anymore.  But teach us a skill that is useful and you’ll see an old dog shine.

My Dad has been teaching me how to open doors.  I’ve been pushing them open with my nose for a long time.  But now, if a door is slightly ajar I can open it from the inside, it’s easy.  Put your nose on the side of the door and step back as you pull the door toward you.  Then flick your head to the side and the door opens!   This is a very useful thing to know.

A cute dog like me needs lots of maintenance so I have my own groomer.  Her name is Susan.  The last time I went to see Susan I got out of my cage.  Susan had already called my Mom to tell her I was ready and that she could come pick me up.  When my Mom arrived to get me Susan told her, “I’m sorry Kobe is still not dry.  I don’t know how this happened.  Somehow he got out of his cage and was outside playing in the mud with the rotties.”

When we got in the truck Mom gave me the stink eye.  She said, “Kobe, you’d better watch it.  When we move I’m going to need your cooperation.  I don’t want to see any of your Houdini dog tricks.  Got it, Mister.” 

What good is learning a new skill if you can’t put it into practice?

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 11, 2009 at 2:23 am Leave a comment

Go rent UP

My family watched this move after we ate the big turkey dinner. This is when it’s good to be a dog but bad to be an ancient. I only get to eat the turkey meat. Mom said sorry, no gravy or stuffing for you. Dad let me lick off the plates so I got some anyway.

Anyway, about the movie UP. It’s about an old guy that ties balloons to his house and a stupid kid that gets stuck on the porch when the house floats away. But here is the best part. When they get there, the dogs are all wearing collars that let them talk to people. Is that cool or what? And not only that, when you turn the knob on the collar, the dogs can talk all kinds of funny languages. Dad said that it would be good for the secret place. I want one right now!

I really like the movie, so this next point is kinda picky. Hollywood always casts the mutt as the hero and Dobermans are the bad guys. Since my old friend Max has a little Doberman up his bitch line, I have to defend him and say this is so totally false. It’s really hard battling this prevalent breedist attitude.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 8, 2009 at 5:03 am Leave a comment

Big Kobe Love

My friend Kobe Bryant heard I was sick, so he dedicated this shot to me. 

Just kidding, my Mom couldn’t stop watching it, so I told her she could go ahead and post it to my blog.  She’s been ghost writing for me on another project so every once in a while I throw her a bone to keep her happy.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 6, 2009 at 3:08 am Leave a comment

My name sounds different in the funny talk

My name is Kobe and it’s pronounced just like Kobe Bryant, the bestest basketball player in the whole NBA.  He is a superstar on my Dad’s favorite team, the Los Angeles Lakers (everyone named Kobe is a superstar.)  And just in case you think my Dad named me after him, you would be wrong.  Because remember I’m 15 years old, so if I was going to be named after one of the Lakers it would probably be Magic.  That would be a good name for a superstar too.

This is a funny story about my name.  When I was a puppy I was living with another family with my brothers and sisters and my bitch mom.  Because I was the cutest, of course, the little girls in the family loved me the best.  They called me Missy.  The Dad in that family said no, that was a girl’s name.  But I didn’t care.  Mom said I might have to get used to that, because I’m so cute people think I’m a girl dog.  I just looked at her and thought, “Well jeezesh if you wouldn’t let the hair grow so long on my belly, they might have a clue.”

Anyway, when my Mom brought me home my Dad immediately said no, Missy is a girl’s name, so he changed it.  Right about that time was a big earthquake in Kobe, Japan.  So my Dad says from now on your name is Kobe.  I was very happy with my new name and my new family.  Over the years, of course, your name starts to take on all kinds of permutations.  Kobes, Kobster, Kobalasi or sometimes just Lasi, and my Dad likes to say I’m the Prince of Such because I’m such a prince.  My Mom mostly calls me Mister and I like that name the best (but only from my Mom and Dad, don’t you ever call me that because it would be a sign of disrespect to an ancient to be so familiar.)

Mom says the way my name is spelled it would be pronounced Kobay in the funny language (Dad told me Kobay was French, is that where we are going?)   If we want people at the secret location that can’t speak our language to say my name the right way it would be spelled K-O-B-I with an I at the end instead of an E.   She said since I was used to having so many different names, we weren’t going to make it an issue if they say my name wrong or spell it incorrectly.  Who cares, I can’t spell anyway.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 6, 2009 at 3:02 am 1 comment

I got the cancer

Mom got the call from my doctor’s office with my lab results.  They said I got the cancer just like the vet told mom earlier.  Here is a cool x-ray of my belly.

X-ray from the vet

The tumor gets in the way.

The new pills are supposed to help.  Mom said if everyone would say some prayers for me that would help too.  Thanks for all your letters of support.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 6, 2009 at 2:59 am Leave a comment

Kobe is too macho

You know I’ve been out of it lately.  So I’m outside in the driveway watching Dad squirt sticky black stuff in the cracks, and my pee-mail girlfriend walks by.  I hadn’t seen her in awhile so I ran up to her and stuck out my chest.   Mom and Dad stop breathing.

Take a chill pill why don’t you, I just wanted to say Hi!  I think she is mad at me because she just sits down and ignores me.  Well I don’t need any of her dog poop attitude, so I take off. 

Dad turns to Mom and says, “What are we going to do if Kobe pulls this macho shit in (the secret place)?”

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 6, 2009 at 2:52 am Leave a comment

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