Posts filed under ‘Secret Place’

My name sounds different in the funny talk

My name is Kobe and it’s pronounced just like Kobe Bryant, the bestest basketball player in the whole NBA.  He is a superstar on my Dad’s favorite team, the Los Angeles Lakers (everyone named Kobe is a superstar.)  And just in case you think my Dad named me after him, you would be wrong.  Because remember I’m 15 years old, so if I was going to be named after one of the Lakers it would probably be Magic.  That would be a good name for a superstar too.

This is a funny story about my name.  When I was a puppy I was living with another family with my brothers and sisters and my bitch mom.  Because I was the cutest, of course, the little girls in the family loved me the best.  They called me Missy.  The Dad in that family said no, that was a girl’s name.  But I didn’t care.  Mom said I might have to get used to that, because I’m so cute people think I’m a girl dog.  I just looked at her and thought, “Well jeezesh if you wouldn’t let the hair grow so long on my belly, they might have a clue.”

Anyway, when my Mom brought me home my Dad immediately said no, Missy is a girl’s name, so he changed it.  Right about that time was a big earthquake in Kobe, Japan.  So my Dad says from now on your name is Kobe.  I was very happy with my new name and my new family.  Over the years, of course, your name starts to take on all kinds of permutations.  Kobes, Kobster, Kobalasi or sometimes just Lasi, and my Dad likes to say I’m the Prince of Such because I’m such a prince.  My Mom mostly calls me Mister and I like that name the best (but only from my Mom and Dad, don’t you ever call me that because it would be a sign of disrespect to an ancient to be so familiar.)

Mom says the way my name is spelled it would be pronounced Kobay in the funny language (Dad told me Kobay was French, is that where we are going?)   If we want people at the secret location that can’t speak our language to say my name the right way it would be spelled K-O-B-I with an I at the end instead of an E.   She said since I was used to having so many different names, we weren’t going to make it an issue if they say my name wrong or spell it incorrectly.  Who cares, I can’t spell anyway.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

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December 6, 2009 at 3:02 am 1 comment

Dad says we still have to keep it a secret

I first have to say thank you for all your concern.  I’m feeling so much better now and have finally been able to catch up on all my pee-mail. 

Mom is so happy that she wrote a letter to explain to everyone about our move but Dad says we have to wait to tell them.

Dad says the first thing everyone will ask is “have you ever been there?”  And then the next thing they will ask is “well, do you know anybody who lives there?”  So Dad, Mom and Dave are going to go down there and look around and I have to stay home with a babysitter.  (I think Mom is going to have to blab the secret to the babysitter.)  Dad wants to take a picture with Bob and Rox in the secret place (mom sent them an email and they wrote back with advice.)  Then when everyone reads the letter and see the pictures, they will know we are SERIOUS.

Bob and Rox have a dog named Coquita.  She is not even two years old so she might not know what to do when she meets me.  I remember when I met my first ancient.  He told mom he didn’t like me because I had no manners.  Mom said, “Remember how patient Buddy was when you were young and foolish and stole his food?”  I hope Coquita is nice because I don’t like bossy little dogs at all.  Mom says when we live in a place that is different from where we came we can’t be aggressive and that I was going to have to try to be patient just like the rest of the family.

She also says we can’t put up my fan page on Facebook either, because somebody might find out about the secret location.  I thought all this stuff was taken care of when I earned the title of Poster Dog of Cuteness.  I think someone is just making excuses.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 6, 2009 at 2:50 am 1 comment

My Mom is SERIOUS, and my Dad is too

My mom has started a folder of important papers and put it on the mantle (I can’t show you a picture because it might give away the secret). 

Then, she picked up my Dad’s book of house plans and held it over the trash can.  They looked at each other and without saying a word my Mom dropped it.   And then they started laughing.  My Dad says now we are getting serious.  And they started laughing harder.  Serious and laughing together are very confusing for a dog.  (Kobe’s so cute when he is confused, oh, sorry for the interruption.)  I asked my mom to explain it to you.

There is a little inside joke in our family about being SERIOUS.  Which, of course, must be accompanied by the most sternest of faces.

We were at my sister’s house celebrating my nephew Jacob’s six birthday.  I had bought him a fancy plastic pirate ship with a desert island and lots of pirate thingies.  The thing was huge and in about 200 pieces (what can I say I have no children of my own.)  So Jacob absconded with the pirates to play and I set about constructing the pirate ship.  I had finished building the ship but couldn’t find the wheels that went on the bottom.  No matter to Jacob, I would find them eventually.  So I’m putting together the island and little palm trees and sure enough they were there. 

Jacob, in the mean time, had really gotten into the pirate play and had pirate prisoners in the cargo hold.  You can see where this is going.  So I asked him to bring me his ship and I would put the wheels on for him.  As I’m starting to twist it upside down, Jacob places both hands on my knees, gets about six inches from my face, and yells, “AUNT MARY!  THIS IS SERIOUS!  THE GUYS ARE GUNNA FALL OUT!”  I’m clenching my teeth and steam is coming out of my eyeballs trying to stay serious.  So you should know, in this family we treat serious SERIOUSLY.  Errrrrrrrrrr.

What, I don’t get it?  The guys were gunna fall out.  And what is irony?  Mom said something about the lack of latitude and Dad said if they need energy-efficient heating they’ll just open a window.  Then they snorted and started laughing again.  Mom said dogs can’t appreciate irony.

You humans are so easily entertained.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe   (and Mary too)

December 6, 2009 at 2:45 am Leave a comment


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