Posts filed under ‘Lakers’

Big Kobe Love

My friend Kobe Bryant heard I was sick, so he dedicated this shot to me. 

Just kidding, my Mom couldn’t stop watching it, so I told her she could go ahead and post it to my blog.  She’s been ghost writing for me on another project so every once in a while I throw her a bone to keep her happy.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

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December 6, 2009 at 3:08 am Leave a comment

My name sounds different in the funny talk

My name is Kobe and it’s pronounced just like Kobe Bryant, the bestest basketball player in the whole NBA.  He is a superstar on my Dad’s favorite team, the Los Angeles Lakers (everyone named Kobe is a superstar.)  And just in case you think my Dad named me after him, you would be wrong.  Because remember I’m 15 years old, so if I was going to be named after one of the Lakers it would probably be Magic.  That would be a good name for a superstar too.

This is a funny story about my name.  When I was a puppy I was living with another family with my brothers and sisters and my bitch mom.  Because I was the cutest, of course, the little girls in the family loved me the best.  They called me Missy.  The Dad in that family said no, that was a girl’s name.  But I didn’t care.  Mom said I might have to get used to that, because I’m so cute people think I’m a girl dog.  I just looked at her and thought, “Well jeezesh if you wouldn’t let the hair grow so long on my belly, they might have a clue.”

Anyway, when my Mom brought me home my Dad immediately said no, Missy is a girl’s name, so he changed it.  Right about that time was a big earthquake in Kobe, Japan.  So my Dad says from now on your name is Kobe.  I was very happy with my new name and my new family.  Over the years, of course, your name starts to take on all kinds of permutations.  Kobes, Kobster, Kobalasi or sometimes just Lasi, and my Dad likes to say I’m the Prince of Such because I’m such a prince.  My Mom mostly calls me Mister and I like that name the best (but only from my Mom and Dad, don’t you ever call me that because it would be a sign of disrespect to an ancient to be so familiar.)

Mom says the way my name is spelled it would be pronounced Kobay in the funny language (Dad told me Kobay was French, is that where we are going?)   If we want people at the secret location that can’t speak our language to say my name the right way it would be spelled K-O-B-I with an I at the end instead of an E.   She said since I was used to having so many different names, we weren’t going to make it an issue if they say my name wrong or spell it incorrectly.  Who cares, I can’t spell anyway.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 6, 2009 at 3:02 am 1 comment

Kobe goes to the Vet

Here is a picture of me when I got back from the vet.  Mom says I still look loopy and need to lay down.

Back from the vet

You should lay down dog, before you fall down.

Here is what happened.  If you don’t like medical stuff, don’t read anymore past this.  Anyway, I was having some trouble peeing (ask any 93 year old) so my mom wanted the vet to see what was wrong.  If you have ever been to the vet you know the first thing they do is weigh you – I lost a little weight and now I officially weigh 74.6 lbs.  Next they shove a little stick in your butt.  They do this every time I come here and I don’t like it.  Then me and mom have to wait while nice ladies come in and ask a lot of questions.  Then another nice lady comes in and says I need a catheter.   So they give me a shot and the two ladies that I thought were nice held me down and the other one shoves a long tube up my wanker.  I don’t remember what happened after that, but the next time my Dad yells at the Lakers, “Oh, they wankered it,” I’ll know what he means.

My mom blabbed to the vet about us moving to the secret place.  She says I have no consumbthingable diseases and that we will update my vaccinations when we get closer to leaving.  She also said that ancients don’t really need vaccinations any more because we have built up enough antibodies that we are probably immune by now.

Here is what the nice lady vet said was wrong with me.  She showed my mom an x-ray and she said I got a tumor in my bladder (that’s where your pee goes before you squirt it out.)   Anyway it’s so big now that it is starting to block the tube that goes to my wanker so I can’t pee very good.  The vet says we can’t operate (whew!), but that if I take some old people pills instead of my dog medicine it will dissolve the tumor.  I sure hope the animal doctors at the secret place know about people pills.  I kinda like my dog medicine because it tastes good, but my mom says we have to do what the vet tells us.

I should be better in no time.  I certainly hope so because I have a lot of pee-mail to catch up on.

Live long and pawsper,

Kobe

December 6, 2009 at 2:34 am Leave a comment


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